Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Have you ever felt a ....


I like the funky English is not my native tongue feel to that sentence.

So, have you ever felt a migraine?

No? Well let me tell you about them.

It all starts with a leprechaun. A very mischievous leprechaun. He grabs the muscle on the back of your neck and hangs on it. Like its a bungee cord. And then he sends his friend the garden gnome around to the front of your face. He has a fiery hot poker that he proceeds to stab into your eye.

But don't worry, cause it is just one eye. The other one is fine.

And after he jabs that fiery hot poker in he gets a hammer and rhythmically beats on it. This is the signal to the Lilliputians. They tie you to your bed. This is actually a good thing because if you try to stand up the wood sprites turn on the Tilt-A-Whirl machine in your room and suddenly you remember when you were 10 years old and you ate a red sno cone and then rode said fair ride at Joe Naper Days.

And then vomited next to the exit.

So thank goodness for the Lilliputians. They save you from the vomit.

Oh no, look out. Here come the toddlers. You have no idea where they have come from but they are JUMPING on the bed. You feel like you are riding the Mayflower during a storm. Should you break the bonds that the Lilliputians have used to tie you down? Do you dare try for a run to the bathroom? Are you really going to throw up or is it just a ruse put on by your stomach since it feels left out because all you sere thinking about was the pain in your head.

While you are contemplating this there is a new development. A glowing orb of death. Which little scoundrel hung it up in the sky. Quick, pull the shade. Too late. It has turned into the glowing strobe light of death. Pulsing, flashing, sucking the life out of you. You have to cover the eye that the red hot poker is sticking out of but now you are freaking out because something has filled your favourite bed pillow with gravel.

Uh huh, I said gravel. Evil Hobgoblin! They think that is a great trick.

And then your nose starts to run like a faucet. And then it stops. No explanation, it is just a weird side effect to the migraine.

And then something happens to your bowels. I know, I know, you are terrified now.

Be brave my friend, at least it is all happening at home this time. Once upon a time my husband had to get up and leave our humble homestead and go to work.

So I had to spend an hour in the car driving kids to school while these strange manifestations were occurring in my body. I have a couple of semi private spots that I like to stop at when I need to throw up. And tonite I will share them. The first is the driveway of the old drive in. Very overgrown, yet right on the main road. The second is the place where employees park at the local building supply place. A bit riskier, but sometimes I can't make it to the other spot.

This morning I had a migraine. Could you guess that?


JanMary said...

Great description. I could identify with lots of that as a fellow sufferer. I also find that sounds are 3 dimension, and physically attack me, making me cower and flinch! (Maybe you will understand, but I am afraid to tell others in case they think I have lost my marbles!)

Tenara King said...

that is exactly how I feel when I have my migraines!!!! It almost makes me have one just reading about it. haha.

Alice Wills Gold said...

my eye is twitching...why is my eye's as if the leprachauns can jump out from the screen and try to find a new home in my head...but I am too strong today. HA!