Tuesday, November 11, 2008

This is appropriate if you like President Bush or

if you like President-Elect Obama since it can apply to either one. See how I can bring all people together to sing in perfect harmony? I think that maybe the Queen is referring to Bill Clinton in this speech... Just a thought.

It will ruin it if I tell you that I think President-Elect Obama is a dangerous bird brain with a frighteningly destructive liberal agenda.

To heck with the world coming together in perfect harmony. I don't even ever drink Coke! I like my opinion too much to not share it. Please feel free to voice your opinion in the comment section. I promise to not delete the ones I do not agree with. Really!! To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen
Elizabeth II In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of
the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the
Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will
resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories
(except Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon
Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further
elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. (A questionnaire may
be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.)

To aid in
the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced
with immediate effect: -----------------------

1. The letter 'U' will be
reinstated in words such as 'colour,'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.'
Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters,
and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-'ise.'Generally, you will
be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up
'vocabulary')------------------------

2. Using the same twenty-seven words
interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an
unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as
U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft
spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u''
and the elimination of '-ize.'-------------------

3. July 4th will no longer be
celebrated as a holiday.-----------------

4.You will learn to resolve personal
issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so
many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent.
Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out
without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot
grouse.----------------------

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own
or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will
be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in
public.----------------------

6. All intersections will be replaced with
roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect.
At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the
benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British sense of humour.--------------------

7. The former USA
will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly
$10/US gallon. Get used to it.-------------------

8. You will learn to make real
chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things
you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are
thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with
vinegar.-------------------

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling
beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be
referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound
for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the
beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can
be sold without risk of further confusion.---------------------


10. Hollywood
will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood
will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in 'Four Weddings and a
Funeral' was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese
grater.---------------------

11. You will cease playing American football. There
is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave
enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to
American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds
or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of
nancies).---------------------

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is
not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not
played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world
beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and
we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
deliveries.--------------------


13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been
driving us mad.-----------------

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e., tax
collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the
acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).---------------

15. Daily Tea
Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs,
with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream)
when in season.

God Save the Queen!

3 comments:

Mother Goose said...

LOL, loved it and I have my special tea cup ready! herbal ok??

Julie said...

That's the BEST!!! I've been doing a series of posts on the Constitution, and my husband just had a boy over to work on one of his scout requirements dealing with these same issues. Timing is beautiful! I'm going to do a post linking to you here, I hope that's okay.

vaxhacker said...

Bloody brilliant, that is.

I may have to steal this or link a copy from my blog if you don't mind. (I found this via Julie's blog, BTW).